Twas Almost an Incident at the Walmarts.....

The hubs constantly makes fun of the fact that I love Amazon. They deliver to our house at least once twice six times a week. Whatever. I’m busy, I’m lazy, I know my limitations with people. Today I went to the Walmart in town, against my better judgment, and I nearly lost my shit in the pharmacy 9 minutes in. No one was working the Pick Up counter. There were folks running around the pharmacy ignoring all 6 of us in line. FINALLY, after a 9 minute death stare, a lady came to the register visibly irritated by our mere existence. And as my luck would have it, the first pharmacy pick up shopper was not only picking up her meds, but decided to buy a small wardrobe for her kids, among other items and PAY FOR THEM ALL RIGHT THERE. After contemplating healing foot cream, a foot spa, and sole inserts (the pharmacy pick up line is beside the foot care aisle), it was my turn…..22 minutes later. Guess who didn’t have my medicine ready?

Walmart: “Ma’am, the refill was called in but insurance has some questions. They won’t cover this.”

Me: “I’ve been taking this same medicine for 10 years. What is the question?”

Walmart: “I don’t know. Call your doctor to ask. Then have them call the insurance company. Then the insurance company can call us and we can refill it.”

Great. That chain of events could take anywhere from 10 weeks to 10 months. I am basically screwed because all of the folks in the scenario above move about as fast as a sloth. Now I get to go through the holidays without migraine medicine. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DRINK MY WINE STRESS FREE WITHOUT MY NEXT DAY “OOPS, I PROLLY OVERDID IT” BACK UP??  Thanks for nothing, Walmart. I wanted to cuss her out, but it wasn't her fault and I'm fairly certain the person 2 people behind me in line was about to cover that for all of us. 

Frustrated, I rolled over the greeting card aisle only to find I was in a face-off with not one, but TWO motorized carts operated by, not one, but TWO ladies who basically were in a race for who could take the longest to find a sympathy card. This isn’t Hallmark, y’all. Our Walmart sympathy card selection is quite sparse. How long does it take one to choose among 9 different cards? AT LEAST 15 minutes. I shit you not. I left the card section and came back and they were both still there! At this point, I was so filled with rage, I forgot the other items I wanted to pick up while I was there. My attention deficit disorder kicked in and I just started haphazardly grabbing random items that I didn’t need because I was shangry. (Shopping Angry)

Credit: www.somecards.com

Credit: www.cmonmama.com

I’m pretty sure I blacked out from the spike in my blood pressure at some point. I came to in the self-checkout line when the stupid red light for assistance came on because one of my items wouldn’t scan. It was a bottle of wine. I guess it’s common sense you need to show ID for that in self-checkout. The lady took one look at me, punched in her code on my register, without even asking for my ID, and sent me on my merry-freakin’ way. I’m fairly certain she feared for her safety.

As I walked to my car, I realized I spent $70 on stuff I did not need (except the wine) and I still didn’t get my medicine which was the main reason I went. In addition, I forgot one of the items I meant to buy. Rather than go back in the store, I got on Amazon and ordered it on the App sitting in my car in the parking lot. Waiting for a 2 day delivery is a small price to pay for my sanity and the safety of others.

The moral of this story? If you have the nerves of steel, time to kill, and the patience of a saint, shop the Walmarts. If you are a normal person, shop Amazon.