8 Minutes - The Small Victories of Raising Teenagers

Can I just be candid about something for a second? My 16 year old son is sucking the life outta me. Right now, I have nothing in common with him except genetics. In his defense, he is the youngest of 4 boys and, frankly, I.AM.EXHAUSTED. And he is exhausted after 16 years of dealing with me. I get it. But, for real, he’s sometimes a royal pain. And I’m fairly certain, the feeling is mutual.

Picture this: Mom and son, 2 hour road-tripping it to see his older brother. Car radio on my station/his cell phone blaring YouTube.

His thoughts: WHY does she listen to this crap?

My thoughts: WHY does he watch other dudes play games on YouTube?

Also my thoughts: WHY doesn’t he like my music or my company?

Also his thoughts: WHY does she insist on talking?

Continued awkward nonverbal silence while 2 audio players try to outdo one another.

Me, being the bigger person, and, oh yeah, the adult, decided to break the silence.

Me: How was your week at school?

Him: Good.

Me: How are your classes and grades?

Him: Good.

Intriguing stuff, huh? It’s basically the same conversation I’ve had with him since elementary school. There’s no color commentary. It’s just me begging for information, for interaction, for proof of a pulse. The questions continue in the hopes at some point I’ll strike a subject that’ll get me more than a “good, yeah, no, ehh, inaudible mumble”. But no. It’s me, asking questions, like I’m interrogating him and him secretly praying I will skip straight to the waterboarding torture part. So, I eventually give up, much to his relief and to my frustration.

And then, suddenly, out of the blue, he decided to talk to me. On purpose!! I think it only lasted 8 minutes of the 2 hour drive, but they were the most glorious 8 minutes of information in which I have no recollection of because I was just so excited he spoke a string of words, not just into a sentence, but a full on paragraph. He gave me a glimmer of the kid that I adore.  And, in return, when we finished our little chat, I returned the favor by being ok with him ignoring me again and letting him stare at his phone. We had a moment!! An 8 minute one!

I admittedly feel a twinge of envy when friends talk about how their 16 year old sons talk to them about everything, how they voluntarily help around the house without a complaint, groan, or eyeroll, how they EXUDE love, light, kindness, hope, ambition. My kid? He exudes disinterest, sarcasm (not the good kind), fatigue, hunger, and indecisiveness. It’s awesome.

BUT……

…when I get those 8 minutes of his undivided attention, my faith in raising a good human is restored. He might not like me right now, wish he was mom-less, (and probably an only child, truth be told), I know he knows I am always here for him. Our relationship might not be the “ideal story” to share, but it’s real, and it’s ours. I tell him I love him daily and he always manages to mumble back an “I love you too”. I might not be able to share interest in every sports statistic known to man or share in his frustration of Fortnite Season X changes, and that’s ok. I am the one he chooses to share his 8 minute conversation with. Granted, he was stuck in a car with me for 2 hours with no escape, but..

LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT, WILL YOU??

Raising teenagers isn’t for the faint of heart. This transitional time for them is also our transitional time as parents as we watch our kids bridge the gap to young adulthood. It isn’t always easy. Our relationships are challenged, our sanity is on the brink, our anxiety is an all time high, but these teens need our guidance, love and support whether they like it or not. I’ve come to realize I care less about my son's answers to my repetitive questions and more about him knowing that I’m fully invested. Despite any arguments, despite any 1 hour 52 minute awkward car rides, he knows his super duper pain the ass Mom loves him. And despite my lack of in-depth sport statistics knowledge or Xbox enthusiasm, I know he loves me…..not because he reluctantly mumbles 3 words back…..

But because he actually DOES give me the time of day on occasion. 

During these painful teen years, I will take what I can get.

And this too shall pass.