An American Reality Check

I woke up this morning knowing that I needed to write this. 

We need to change our ways.

This isn't for a select group of individuals... this is for all Americans. And mankind, actually.

How many unbelievable things need to happen, need to slap us in the face, need to wake us up before we realize our world is shifting into a very dark place? And we are letting it.

We live in the Divided States of America. It's been in the works for decades, but 2020 threw us in a bonus round of how many more things can we create to split the American citizens? (so they can't see what's really happening)

2020 was an obvious turning point in history with COVID. We were quarantined to our homes, separated from friends and family. We were "highly encouraged" to take jabs in the arm for protection, that would then turn into another divide in the US. As if the decades of divisional hate weren't ridiculous enough with racism, and religious, cultural, political, & geographic divides, gun control, the rich vs. the poor.... let's throw in who's the bigger idiot: the vaccinated or the nonvaccinated. It became blatantly obvious that the media was taking every single chance they could to throw fuel into the fire to make sure we stayed mad, frustrated and confused, focusing on what was "wrong with others". 

And we let it happen.

2021 would start with a post-election Capitol riot. Yep. Another conflict that would further divide the US people. More hate, more natural disasters, more COVID related deaths.... each segment of media information breaking down hope for humanity piece by piece, day by day, person by person.

2022, we all kept thinking "this is it! We are going to see a turn for the better in our world. COVID is (somewhat, but not really) behind us and life is getting back to normal!"

Nope.

We would see the overturning of Roe vs. Wade, stripping all women of having rights over their bodies that would cause subdivides in religious beliefs, political views, human rights and so on. There would be 695 mass shootings in the US alone in 2022. Yes: SIX HUNDRED. NINETY. FIVE. More Gun Control debates. Not enough mental health awareness. Global warming, climate change, natural disasters, stock market plummets.... 2022 was a continuation of the sh*tshow that was Divided States of America's new normal. 

2023 and into 2024, hope is dwindling. Americans would be at the point of numbness. 2023 starting with multiple train derailments carrying hazardous material, more disasters, more gun violence, the fire devastation of Lahaina, more conflict, more divide. 

At some point, I have to be honest, decisions had to be made and I turned to my sense of humor to cope with whatever incredibly crappy news event was smeared on my social media feed. There were aliens in a Florida mall, aliens on Ring cameras, & alien ships over Vegas. Grrreat, another divide: 

"there's no such thing as aliens" vs. "BEAM ME UP SCOTTY, I'm tired of this place!"

Team Scotty here.🙋

Then over to political divide (insert hand slap to forehead emoji): Trump is indicted by a grand jury that we later realize means nothing on the resume for a Presidential candidate. Maybe that makes him more well-rounded? And wasn't he also impeached? Or is that another Mandela Effect? Meanwhile, over in the White House, Biden can barely formulate a sentence. One of several examples, as he describes America in a single word as: "ASUMFUTIMAEHAEHFUTBW." Is that Bidenese for a Hot Mess? If so, yes. I don't have any love for either man and, to be honest, either party, because I don't actually know who is really truly fighting for us anymore. And with that said, not only do we have shaky candidates (literally and figuratively) to be our Leader, the American people are so distracted by all the divides, no one seems to care about this HUGE RED FLAG, ya'll. Hello? Bueller?

The retirement age in the US is 67 years old. Seems to me, it should also be the retirement age (aka. cap) for anyone running for US President. Meanwhile, all of this has me punched in the gut with the realization that we, Americans, are not focused on the right things to be pissed off about. Yet, there's still that divide in which I want to ask in the most respectful way possible:

How can anyone actually vote for either of these people?! Is this a joke? Are we being punked?

Where is the candidate wanting the best for Americans? Gone are the days of Let's Make America Great. We should be looking for someone who wants to Make America Whole!

We have been so easily sucked into the divides because it's in our face every day. Passing blame, lack of education, misinformation, and short sidedness has led us to thrive in that divide. That kind of negativity and us vs. them mentality helped fuel our lifelong-programmed minds. Unbeknownst to us, we, as human beings, weren't put on earth to live in that kind of negative state of hatred. That negativity does nothing but eat away at us, robbing us of ever really feeling pure joy. And I don't mean the joy of victory. I'm referring to the joy of life, of relationships, of love, of being in the moment, of all the little things that feed our souls. Hate doesn't feed your soul. It's pulls you further away from it. That's the kicker, the further we are from what truly feeds our soul, the more controlled by others we will remain.

I realize that Americans are never going to see 100% eye to eye. This isn't what it's about. It's about putting yourself in someone else's shoes for a moment to see their point of view and why they have it. You don't have to agree with it. You don't even have to like it. But if you can learn to respect it, you will see a change within yourself. Suddenly, you're less judgmental, more forgiving, kinder, gentler, and more patient. And the things that fueled you to the point of anger, naturally no longer seem as worthy of your attention. The shift is one of being driven by hate to being driven by love and acceptance. When that happens, reality is clear. We are all humans made of blood and bones. Period.

The point of this isn't to start a political debate or any kind of other debate for that matter. I am here, as a concerned American that is doing everything I can in life to stay afloat financially, emotionally, and mentally. Did I mention that I am an anxiety-ridden Gen Xer menopausal mom of 6 with a touch of ADD and my daddy's sense of humor? I'm a bit of a loose cannon but in the best way possible, depending on who you ask. I'm here for love, not war, so don't come at me unless you're ready to exert a whole lot of effort into being a keyboard warrior, in turn getting no response. 

Now, if you're here to support this shift from hate to love, WELCOME. And if you're under the age of 67 that loves love and hates hate, put your name in the comments and you can be my write-in vote in November. 

All joking aside, why can't we all just get along and get this country and ourselves back on track? Maybe it's a little too late. Maybe the countless years of damage is done. Maybe no one cares anymore.

But MAYBE,

Hear me out....

...there's still hope.💗

I haven't given up.

Kristen

Changing the Recipe for Disaster

I am just going to be candid here. 

We, as a nation and, more importantly, HUMAN BEINGS, should be paying attention to what has been, is, and will be happening around us. Let me preface all of this by saying, I have no “inside scoop” or secret connections to information. This is 100% my opinion, which, last I checked, we can still voice unless that right has ripped away from us, too. What I’m about to word vomit out is based off years of observations that are sprinkled with a dash of fear, a pinch of skepticism, 2 tablespoons of denial, and 3 cups of “there’s no damn way”, which has created the recipe of a reality that not only looks and tastes like sh*t, it will make you physically sick and eventually kill you. Yet, we all seem to be ok with continuing to poison ourselves with it, because it’s supposed to ultimately be "good for us" and "everyone is doing it".

Ok, hear me out.

We live in a split nation. Yes, no news there. That’s been a thing for many decades, but somehow, someway, we have made it worse by creating more splits. The divide isn’t just between left and right. It isn’t just among religious beliefs. It isn’t just about race or sexual preference. We, as human beings, have hit an all-time low. We can try to blame it on the pandemic: vaxed vs. unvaxed/masks vs. no masks. We can try to blame it on aliens and weird storms. The list goes on. But if you really think about it, the hate goes so much deeper than disagreements over "sides" and opinions. I am of the belief that there's a hidden agenda behind why it's gotten so out of hand.

Let me explain.

Have you ever gotten into a massive argument with your loved one where you’re both screaming and pulling out the most hurtful and awful things just to hurt them more and prove your point, only to realize you don’t remember your point OR even the reason you started fighting to begin with?Meanwhile, as you are so focused on proving your point, you are distracted from this horrific storm that has been brewing outside that has the potential to destroy your home, your town, your life. If you just stopped for a minute and paid attention to it, you could have a shot at protecting it all, but you’re too hyper focused on that damn point to notice?

Stop fighting for a second. No one, but you, cares about your point anyway. Look around. We are all screaming about something we don’t agree with. For what? To win? To win what? All the while, the world has been changing. There’s a shift and it isn’t just one thing. It isn’t just our terrifying economy. It isn’t just the crazy weather. It isn’t just opinions about the odd disasters that have hit our beautiful country. The shift is ALL things. And we are too busy disagreeing with each other to notice it.

We are in the Great Distraction.

An example of the ultimate blindside; in the midst of this massive argument with your loved one, your child comes up to you and says “Mommy, did I do this math homework right?” You look and he has: 1 + 2 = 4.  In your gut, you know it’s wrong, but because 1) you’re distracted and 2) life-stress has whittled your patience level down to 0.01, and 3) you Googled it and all the websites said “4 is the new 3 and 3 can never be the answer to a math question”. You have now reluctantly convinced yourself that the answer is 4, even though your brain screams... No. It’s 3!!!

But because of being hyper focused elsewhere, along with lack of patience and especially since GOOGLE SAID, you tell him his answer is correct. Days go by with you ignoring the sinking feeling of doubt, but eventually you believe 1 + 2 = 4.

The point?

We have become so dependent on what we are told or what we read or watch, we have stopped listening to and trusting our own mind and gut. We are questioning our own memories, personal experiences, feelings, thoughts and relying on outside information to dictate how we should respond and react. And now it’s Google says. CNN says. YouTube says. TikTok says. Facebook says. X/formerly known as Twitter says.

And so it is.

Have we ever thought for a moment that those avenues for getting information may not be looking out for our best interest but instead sharing “information” to help formulate the thoughts, the opinions, the ACTIONS to generate a desired result?  A result of numbness. Of anger. Of rage. Of indifference. And the worst, making us feel like we must make a decision (between left and right, vaxed or no vaxed, etc.) This desired state of mind takes us away from all things POSITIVE, HOPEFUL, PRODUCTIVE, CARING and ALL THINGS UNITED.

It's worked. Here we are. And the storm is brewing around us that we continue to ignore, while exerting efforts elsewhere. We need to remember that there was a time where human's survived without technology, without the internet, without news, without outside information to assist in survival and they used their brains to do so. Crazy concept, I know. Our brains are powerful and we've stopped using them for basic things including listening to our own thoughts and forming our own opinions.

Look, I don’t know what is actually going in the world. I see and read things through news media. I see and watch things on social media; global warming, corrupt government, weather tampering, alien invasions, US dollar plummeting in value, the “Elites” running the world….and then some. There are lots of rumors, conspiracy theories, all likely with some truths hidden beneath. I’ve been down too many rabbit holes to count. So many, in fact, I had to stop, because I began to question how we are still in existence as a human race!

What I actually DO know (and I believe this will 100% of my being) those who continue to be hell-bent on winning their personal battles (proving their points), will be the first to lose the war on humanity. We must stop consuming this recipe for disaster and buying into what we are told and putting more effort inward on what brings us hope, love and joy. This isn’t sticking your head in the sand and seeing rainbows and unicorns. This is recognition of the storm that is brewing. This is recognition of facts that are in our face, up close and personal such as families struggling to make ends meet, increased hate crimes, human trafficking, food prices skyrocketing, homelessness at an all-time high, a spike in natural disasters in conjunction with humans creating devastation. This is a recognition along with a reality check that we can’t change the economy overnight nor do we have control over most of the bad things that are happening. It's recognition that our constitutional rights are slowly being stripped from us. And with all the media avenues of misinformation and manipulation at every turn, our thoughts, our memories, and our feelings are being crafted to be one of conformity. 

Who is the real enemy here? And what can we do to fight?

It starts with a shift of mindset. We can change is how we respond, react, and choose to live moving forward. One day at a time.

What if, instead of waking up tomorrow with dread, we find a glimmer of hope? What if we alter our own daily recipe to include gratitude and forgiveness? What if we turn external blame into inner reflection? What if we collectively choose to change the daily narrative to one of acceptance of each other? What if we all did one small good deed a week for someone else? What if we all realize that it's better to be kind, than right? What if we all just started listening to ourselves again and lead with our hearts, our gut, resetting moral compasses and reprioritizing our own life's purpose?

What if, as this fractured, negative, hate-filled world shifts one way, we shift along with it in the opposite direction? Even if it means starting from scratch, together, we can shift the balance. Imagine the power we'd have being united standing up for our basic human rights vs. exerting energy into being irritated over a neighbor's choice in flags. 

This blog is the first step of me rolling up my sleeves and getting started. 

Who else is craving a little hope?

The Gift of Peaceful Living

 

Source: https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/
real-life/anxiety-memes/

It’s been 5 months since I wrote my blog on my battle with anxiety disorder. I had such an overwhelming response to it and cannot thank you all enough for your words of encouragement. It was one of the darkest times I have ever been through. My anxiety was closing in quickly from daily to hourly to minute by minute, to the point I thought I was suffocating. What exacerbated it all was feeling as if I was alone. Going public with my feelings was the best decision I could have ever made for myself (as terrifying as it was to put it all out there). What happened next was two-fold. Not only did it help me by putting my thoughts in writing, I found it helped so many other people who I had no idea were suffering or had a loved one that suffered from anxiety. They had no way of understanding how they felt or how they could help them and reading my experiences was a starting point for a conversation.

5 months later, I am still on anti-anxiety meds. Those, combined with an amazing support system and changing some of my daily habits, I have been able to keep my panic attacks at bay. I wish I could say “I’m cured!!”, but there is no such thing. However, I am no longer living in daily fear and, to me, that’s an amazing gift. 

The gift of peaceful living.

Through all of this, I discovered a few things that have really helped me and maybe it can help others:

• The need for quiet time. It can be as little as 15 minutes per day (but I strive for more). That is when I recharge. Whether I’m meditating or just sitting in my thoughts, it is imperative to my mental and emotional wellbeing that I get that time for me, as often as possible.

• As part of that quiet time, I've learned to savor the moment. With a lot of practice, I've retrained my brain to be more present, to live more in the now and purposeful, and most importantly cherish it, because the “now” is the only time we have guaranteed. Part of my anxiety stemmed from always worrying about “tomorrow” I need to prep for this big call. I’m so behind in this work, I’ll get to it later. What if this happens? What if this doesn’t happen? I didn’t realize how much “tomorrow” dominated my thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, those thoughts still pop up on occasion, but now I know how to catch them, sit in that feeling for a moment and let them go so that I can focus in the now.

• Sit in negative feelings. (But do not linger in them). I am an avoider by nature. Rather than avoid the negatives, I now lean into the uncomfortable feelings of dread, sadness, anger, guilt, resentment, embarrassment, frustration, and then I am able to release them. It’s quite eye-opening how once you start doing this, it changes your attitude about everything. Automatically, things that were a big deal or scary before, are no longer such a big deal. Things that frustrated and angered you before, magically become much less frustrating and irritating.

And because of that, I am able to:

• Focus on the positive in situations. I have always been a true believer that everything happens for a reason. Inevitably I get stuck behind a slow car when I’m in a hurry. Rather than cringe in a frustration, I wonder if I was slowed down for a reason unbeknownst to me. Maybe later I’ll realize it or maybe I will never know. Either way, I continue to work hard not to get worked up over situations beyond my control. Talk about a stress relief!

• Lastly, and probably most important: Give yourself grace. I accept that I'm not perfect. I accept not everyone is going to like me or agree with me. I accept the flaws that make me, me. I honestly didn't realize how much pressure I put on myself until one day I paid attention to the voice in my own head. I was like "Whoa. WHO is that a-hole? How dare she talk to you like that? Are you gonna take that?" Guess what? It was me. I'm the a-hole. But no longer. We had a little chat and we called a truce. She is much nicer now. Here's a huge lesson learned: it's a lot harder to deal with an a-hole within, because YOU NEVER GET A BREAK. After a while, those little subliminal thoughts have piled on to your anxiety and you have no idea where they came from. All you know is that you've heard them routinely and you have conditioned yourself to agree with them. Nip that in the bud immediately and you've conquered the first step toward giving yourself the gift of peaceful living.

All of this is a constant work in progress, but I've reached a point now where it's less "work" and mostly "progress" and that is where the sense of peace quietly enters the picture.

One last thing. Each day I start my day in gratitude. I say or write down 10 things that I'm grateful for, because it sets the tone for the entire day. I wanted to share one of them from this morning:

I am grateful for the sudden urge to write again.  

So here I am, with the hope that this little blog helps you get started in finding your own peace. 

The Monster Within: My Battle with Anxiety Disorder

 

This is the face of anxiety disorder.

I had my first panic attack when I was about 12 years old. I had no idea what was happening. We were visiting my aunt and uncle and I was in bed when it hit me out of the nowhere. I thought I was dying. I remember jumping out of bed and running into where my parents were sleeping. My mom knew immediately what it was, as she’d suffered from them her whole life. That is when it began. Through adolescence, panic attacks were sporadic. Once I hit adulthood, they started to become more frequent and there was no rhyme or reason behind them.

Through my adult years I was able to manage them from things such as mindfulness, breathing techniques to antidepressants. I saw doctors from general practitioners to family therapists to psychiatrists about them. And, thankfully, I’ve lived the majority of my life without them affecting my day to days with the exception of a couple of times.

But now they are back.

Why now? Who knows? But they are back with a vengeance.

There was and is still a stigma on mental health. It is silent monster that many will never talk about because much of society says “Well, *I’ve* never seen a monster, so monsters aren’t real.” I envy those who have never had to experience such a horrific thing. Once it gets it’s claws on you, it takes a lot of effort to pry them loose. And even once they are loose, you’re always waiting for that monster to appear again.

In mid-December 2022 the monster returned, my panic attacks hit me like a ton of bricks. The intensity, frequency, and paralyzing fear were beyond anything I had dealt with in the past. I’d been doing so well for years! I convinced myself “Certainly this is a fluke. I can manage this.” I put a smile on through the holidays even though deep down I was waiting for the next episode. My husband and I traveled out of town after Christmas. Instead of anticipation, I was filled with a quiet dread & worry.

Why do we do this to ourselves? When will we learn that hiding it only exacerbates it all?!

By the new year I knew this was not a fluke. I was spiraling at a rapid pace, so I called my doctor. I immediately went back on an antidepressant to get on track to “normal”. The waiting game began, waiting for meds to get in my system and regulated. Fast forward 12 days and here I sit. I am trying to be patient. The panic attacks are still happening. I am still struggling and taking things day by day. More so than being patient, I am fighting to be more vocal. It’s ok to not be ok.

There are so many misconceptions. More and more I realize how so many people have no idea what anxiety disorder even is when they make statements such as:

But you’re so laid back! How can you have anxiety?

You have so much going for you! How can you have anxiety?

You’re so happy all the time! How can you have anxiety?

 

Putting things in perspective, when the monster is at it’s peak, I live in a world of “Just in case”.

• I had a panic attack in my car, so now I won’t drive if it’s a long distance. Just in case.
• When I’m out in public, I look for the quickest exit. Just in case.
• If it’s crowded, I won’t go. Just in case.
• If no one I know will be there, I won’t go. Just in case.
• In a large venue like a concert, I need to sit close to the aisle (quick exit). Just in case.
• Refer to "crowded" bullet. Double whammy.

Now imagine that was your daily thought process running in the background of every decision you make. And imagine you are making these decisions silently for fear of ridicule and embarrassment.

I wish it was just an imaginary scenario. For millions of people with Anxiety Disorder, it’s our truth.

I write this not for anyone to feel bad for me. Don’t. I am going to be just fine. I have an amazing support system and I am on the right track to getting my life back.

I write this for those who are still in hiding, those who are silently suffering as they battle their own monsters. You are not crazy! You are not alone! Seek help. Talk to a friend or loved one. And if you don’t have anyone to turn to, you can turn to me. Don’t fight this battle alone.

💓

Helpful resources:
Panic attack symptoms
The 333 Rule
Emergency Help Lines

It's All About the Gratitude

Since I started meditating a few months ago, I've done a lot of research on the power of the mind and meditation. Today during my meditation, I decided to see if I could teach myself how to cultivate gratitude. I have a gratitude journal, but I've found myself in robotic mode some days with just listing out "things" rather than digging deep and feeling what I'm truly grateful for in that moment. 

In today's meditation, I visualized who and what I am deeply grateful for. And I don't mean "I'm grateful for coffee" level, but more so, "I'm grateful for my 4 healthy, thriving sons" level where I pictured all 4 of their faces and felt the love and gratitude within. During meditation, I focus on various parts of my body and with gratitude in particular, I can feel it deep in my gut. I pictured this feeling as a small bundle of beautiful light and held that image. Then I thought of other things I am extremely and deeply grateful for and watched the bundle of light begin to grow. I sat in that moment, feeling that light and I held it as long as I could, enjoying the internal "movie" of all the things that make me the happiest and feeling all the feels. 

When I opened my eyes, there was a lighter sense to my emotions. I didn't have the anxiety I had started my day with. And my To Do List, while still very long, didn't overwhelm me as much anymore because everything was thrown into a different emotional perspective. The things that matter, that truly matter, are in your gratitude movie. Your To Do List is just that; things to do. Rather than cultivate that feeling of dread, work on expanding gratitude. Eventually dread will just be a small speck that will fly to the surface on occasion, but gratitude will begin to win every time. 

An exercise I'm going to try moving forward: any time I feel dread, rather than letting it overtake me, I'm going to recognize it and stop for a moment to find my beautiful bundle of gratitude. That big bright light is so much stronger, so much more important than the likes of dread, anger, hate, envy, etc.. Eventually I'll start feeling a lot less of the negative and a lot more of my gratitude movie warm and fuzzies. I realize that this type of reprogramming of the mind doesn't happen overnight, but that's part of what makes it magnificent. It just means that I am focusing on gratitude more often which naturally will change my way of thinking, feeling, and living to be a much better version of myself. 

It's Like Facebook for the Soul - The Start of Meditation

About 6 weeks ago I started on an unexpected journey that has forever changed my perspective on life. Before you say, "oh, she just turned 49. Here comes the midlife crisis!", hear me out.

I was a pretty intuitive kid and teenager. Over time, as an adult with kids, a career, bills, stress, etc. my intuitive side was stifled as I ran myself to death on the hamster wheel of life. There was very little time to stop the perpetual spinning. I had come very close (many times) to breaking down. And the pending break-down most recently had me start something I'd tried, unsuccessfully, several times in the past.

Meditating. 

WAIT! Don't stop reading now. I'm not going to get all kooky on you. Just a little kooky. Take it from a once skeptic. I will not go back to life before meditation.

I'm going to be honest here. It was a daunting task in the beginning stages, hence the reason I quit before I ever got started in years past. However, this time, I was determined that I would stay committed to see what all the hype was about. What did I have to lose? Like normal, I sat as comfortably as I could, closed my eyes, took deep breaths, and *BAM*, the brain started: "Did I unplug the hair dryer? Did I call that guy back? Have I paid that bill? This is silly. Did I forget to give the dog his shot? I can't believe we missed trash day! Will Erika and Sutton ever mend fences on Real Housewives? What if Dave walks in and sees me sitting here like an idiot? My foot itches. My other foot itches. I have to pee. How much longer? Heyyyy Macarena!" 

If this has been you, don't despair. THIS IS NORMAL. As a newbie, meditation might leave you frustrated the first few times you try it. You might feel as if it isn't working. The beauty of it, that no one tells you is, it's actually working! I found that I didn't necessarily need a clear mind for meditation to be effective. What I needed to do is let the thoughts happen and gently ease them off to the side until the roar of my brain simply became a hum. That didn't happen overnight. It took time.

Understand that any time you can sit for 10 minutes and be alone with your thoughts, even with the Housewives and a full bladder, you are slowing yourself down. You aren't staring at a phone or computer or television. You aren't taking in additional information in your already informational overloaded mind. Your mind is sorting and shuffling and listening, watching, feeling, sensing and waiting. And, believe it or not, even with all that chaos, it is settling down more with each meditation. It took me quite a few attempts to reach what I felt was a "hum" instead of a roar. But once reached, meditation became so much easier and the mind automatically eased the chaos. There finally became a time my mind focused more on my senses than on whether I took the trash out.

With this mind success, I discovered the hype.

Unplugging from external stimulation a few minutes each day has done wonders for my emotional and mental well-being. I've been able to channel my creative side again. I've even found myself go deep down memory lane and run through short reels of my childhood. I can't tell you the last time I thought about my childhood home prior to. All of the emotions surfaced connected to my parents, my old room, playing in the yard, etc. The pure beauty of it all is you can make this time whatever you want to make it. You can go with your own quiet thoughts or let the mind clear and watch what happens. It's like scrolling Facebook for the Soul, but the people are kinder, the memories/visions have real emotions attached to them, and you actually feel refreshed and great when you "log off" versus wanting to throw a device out a window. 

Between my everyday stresses and the constant reminders of our rapidly declining world, meditation has thrown a lot of things in perspective for me. What is physically happening around us hasn't changed, but how I view and process it absolutely has. I don't see the world through the same lens anymore. It's less scary, stressful, and chaotic. The sunsets are more vibrant, smiles are warmer, and gratitude is abundant. But that's a blog for another time. 

This is just the beginning of me sharing my spiritual journey in its infancy. If you're interested in learning more, follow along.

Hopeful.

Is it me or are we all completely exhausted? Sure, we've been in the throes of a pandemic for what seems like a decade, but that's just part of it. 

Let's put COVID aside for a sec....

I honestly feel like I wake up each day, go through the motions, then collapse in bed every night feeling like I've been through the wringer, wake up and do it all over again. Physically I am fine, thankfully. Mentally and emotionally, I am not. I can't help but think that even if the pandemic ended tomorrow, we are never going to be the same again as a society. EVER. So much has changed in the past 2 years that cannot be undone. There are clear divides among us. There is extreme intolerance and a total absence of patience. Humans have become skeptical of everything - kindness, intentions, words. Trust and empathy seem to be things of the past. We are in a dark place.

It's every man for himself. And I'm sure I just offended everyone but "man", because I wasn't inclusive. Yet something else we have to worry about. We've become afraid to speak for fear of leaving someone out, offending someone, or causing an argument because someone didn't agree. And guess what, social media is using that fear, exacerbating it and, as my mama would say, "laughing all the way to the bank". 

I have stopped paying attention to the news. Like most of the world, I am immersing myself into any series or movie that is as far from our reality that I can find. And if it even looks close to what we're dealing with, I move on. Sorry Keifer, as much as I loved 24, I can't stomach another pandemic. Jack Bauer's weapons package and convenience of everything being just "15 minutes away" won't save us from the hell we are in right now. Love Island UK, it is! 

But once back to reality, I realize that the dark cloud of doom that hovers over us is not going away anytime soon nor the feeling of dread of "what's next"? So what can we do to make a change? I don't know about you, but for me, I know I need to start chipping away at this shell of a person that I've personally become; the one going through the motions and find the human God sent me to be. Despite everything that has beaten us down, I still very much believe in hope. I still very much believe in kindness. I still very much believe in love. We are united in our human race and we all have what it takes to find these key ingredients that make up the start of a shift in the paradigm. It has nothing to do with religion, politics, or your stance on vaccinations. It's basic human-being stuff. I see glimpses of it around me, but we need more. We need these stories to be louder than the ones of hate. Hope, kindness and love are the glue to the divide and the antidote to hate.

I challenge you. 

When the noise begins to quiet around you, find one of those ingredients, begin to nurture it and let it grow into something that begins to change your perspective; something that guides you to make different decisions for yourself. Let it lead you to see a glimmer of positivity, relief, happiness. If even for a moment. It's a reminder of what is good. Why we are truly here. The differences we can make, big and small. 

It is time we refuse to be numb & indifferent and start fueling our daily energy from the heart. I am starting today with a hope so grand, so overwhelming that it spreads fiercely and relentlessly, breaking through the divides of religious beliefs, politic affiliation, age, race, gender, vaccination status. 

And if you read this, I hope you feel it. 💗

#hopeful