Friday, June 21, 2013

My Boy, Blue!

Celeb Parents Have Lost Their Damn Minds        
Look, it’s everyone’s prerogative to name their baby whatever they please. Who am I to judge when I chose for my first born THE most popular boys and girls name of the 90’s, not thinking of him going through his entire life by his last name? HOWEVER, at least it’s a normal name.
Kim Kardashian’s botox has gotten to her brain. Kanye West is an attention whore. (Well, actually, they both are). If they’d named their daughter something normal like Emily or Sarah, then it would be a one-time news headline and done. North West gives the media and the public A LOT to talk and joke about for weeks to come. And this poor, innocent baby has to go through life with a stupid name. I had every opportunity to screw up my kids with their last name Mann. Trust me, I could’ve had a blast naming four boys Fire, Ida, Wo, and Bat, but I took into consideration THEY were the ones who had to live with the implications of my decision making. And, let’s face it; your name is kind of a big deal, no??? And you mean to tell me KK’s baby was born on Saturday, they took 5 days to name it and the best they could do was “North”??
Are we being punked?
Is there a middle name? I am guessing no, because I am sure in their minds they thought anything sounded silly with North and West.
Um, ya think?
My sympathies go out to baby North. She may have more money in her gold encrusted piggy bank than I’ll ever see if my lifetime but she has entered the world with 2 whammies against her already; a terrible name and THE dumbest parents EVER. But it appears, in Hollywood, they come in droves. I took the liberty of listing more parents who apparently were high on crack the day they named their kids:
Apple: daughter of Gwyneth Paltrow
It’s a sad day when this is the most normal name on this list. ?
Blue Ivy: daughter of Beyonce and Jay Z
“Blue” is so 2000’s in Hollywood baby wards. I think it’s time to branch out to something a little catchier like “Malachite” (green) or “Razzmatazz” (red-pink), or “Arsenic” (dark gray/blue).
Coco: daughter of Courtney Cox and David Arquette
She’s the whitest white kid in celebrity kid land and you named her Coco?
Ocean: daughter to Forest Whitaker
Me thinks his wonky eye fell asleep when he was filling out the birth certificate.
Prince Michael/Blanket: sons to Michael Jackson
Shoulda gone with “Chester Chester “(child molester). A little over the top? Sorry.
Pilot Inspektor: son to Jason Lee
Honestly, I can’t even wrap my brain around a comment for this one.
Moxie Crimefighter: kid of Penn Jillette (Penn & Teller).
Is it a boy? Is it a girl? Oh the irony if it ends up in prison later in life.
Tu Morrow: son of Rob Morrow (from TV show Numb3rs)
No words.
And lastly,
Jermajesty: son of Jermaine Jackson.
I would like to drive to Hollywood and punch Jermaine and his baby mama in the throat myself.
I suppose these parents believe their celebritiness will carry their kids through life and the need for a normal name to put on a college or job application is not needed. What a sad day that one’s ego names an innocent baby instead of their common sense mixed with a little taste. The only thing I have to say is GOOD LUCK to whoever marries Jermajesty. She’s doomed.
One last side note: I seriously considered naming my third son Harrison. I absolutely loved the name until I realized it may be shortened to Harry….Harry Mann….Hairy Man? Um, no.
And I actually had a friend whose last name was Aycock and she’d always loved the name Holden.
She didn’t.
But you can bet your sweet arse that some dumb celebrity will.