Wednesday, July 17, 2013

I Surrender! Confessions of a Mom with a House of Teenage Boys

Disclaimers: The below blog is based on true events. May cause drowsiness, nausea, or blurred vision. Please recycle. No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog. Please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop.

I surrender to the fact that I will only see my teenage boys when the following things take place:
  • They are hungry.
  • They need money.
  • The xbox breaks.

I surrender to the fact that their closet, the garage shoe bin, and the trunk of either car will be an ideal place to hide a dead body if ever need be. The shoe stench is enough to cover, pretty much, any smell.

I surrender to the fact that there will never be enough food in our pantry. 4 hours after a $300 grocery run and it looks like a snack food apocalypse occurred.

I surrender to the fact that hell will probably freeze over before anyone in my household under the age of 39 picks up the 2 empty Gatorade bottles at the end of our basketball court that have been there for 3 1/2 weeks. 

I surrender to the fact that admitting your kid is a hoarder (and you take advantage) is OK. Just recently my youngest son and I were looking for something in the oldest kid’s car. We did not find it, however, I walked away with a pillow and 4 beach towels that I’d been looking for and 2 ½ rolls of paper towels which particularly came in handy since we were out in the house. Score!

I surrender to the fact that despite the kitchen trash spilling onto the floor, my boys will spend 2 ½ minutes pressing down, and meticulously balancing the wrapper in which they need to throw away. All the while, they could have changed out the bag in that amount of time and saved their mother some heart ache (and cursing) when their balancing act is unsuccessful and she finds the wrapper stuck to the bottom of her foot.

I surrender to the fact that no matter how many shirts I may buy them, they have 2 raggedy, pit stained tees that are the favorites. And they remain in daily wearing rotation, until 1 of 2 things happen; they finally outgrow it or I throw it away when no one is looking. #2 happens.....often.

I surrender to the fact that their idea of “making the bed” is getting the comforter off the floor. And their idea of “putting away clothes” is throwing them in the floor of their closet or making a pile at the end of the bed. Do they have something against drawers and hangers??

I surrender to the fact that my 2012 minivan smells and looks like it’s at least 9 years old due to fries, wrappers, broken McDonald's toys, random pieces of paper, and, let’s not forget, shoe stench.

I surrender to the fact that having a college kid home for the summer is similar to that of having a newborn again in regard to sleep deprivation. If he’s out with friends, I don’t sleep until I hear he is home safely. Weird? I seem to sleep like a baby when he’s off at school doing who knows what, at all hours.

I surrender to the fact that my 13 year old may not think it’s cool to have a mom (especially one that blogs about sexting), but he’ll get over it.

I surrender to knowing the decibel rate of a yell and the scale in which I am needed to intervene on a brotherly confrontation.

I surrender that sometimes it's better just not to ask. i.e. "Why is there a girl's cheerleading uniform on our kitchen table?" The answer was even more disturbing than the one you're thinking of right now. (But quite hilarious, I might add.)

I surrender that this is my life, one I accept, one that I adore, and one that shall send me to an early grave....waving the white flag.