Friday, May 30, 2014

The Dog Ate His Homework, My A$$.

If you read my last blog,

FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID.

Summer isn't going to be smooth sailing in my household for one of my children.



My youngest son has been struggling from the lazy gene his last year of elementary school. Along with it, the "Oh, I forgot" gene decided to join in on the fun. Neither of which are conducive to the behavior and grades in which we, as parents, expect from him.  The final straw was today while I was at work. You know it's not a good sign if you recognize a random cell phone number as your 10 year old's teacher. The last time she called me he "forgot" to turn in his permission slip for the boys and puberty video. This time he "forgot" his social studies homework and all grades from teachers are due today at 3pm. Which means, he's about to get a big ole goose egg in Social Studies.

As my head was about to spin around, I called his dad to share the good news, and inform him that he was now being sent on a wild goose chase to find the said "forgotten" homework in which the 10 year old claimed was left on his dresser at his dad's house. 30 minutes later, NO homework to be found (shocker), but the discovery of the MOST IMPORTANT extra credit worksheet that had to be turned in today in which he left behind. Needless to say, a few explicitives were dropped and I think his dad may have said one too.

We are all speeched out. I am fairly certain the last time he had access to his iPod was when the iPod 2 was released in stores. For months he's been banned from Xbox and all game stations, he's been benched from his favorite sport of soccer, I have threatened, and I have prayed. I have done everything in my power as a parent to figure out what I can do to exorcise this lazy demon.

I AM AT MY WITS END!!

I jokingly posted on Facebook this afternoon "Boot Camp for 10 3/4 year olds? Yes, please." hoping some humor would get me out of this parental funk I am in. No such luck. 

Listen, I'm not seriously thinking of sending him to a boot camp. He isn't hiding out in his room with a black light, smoking a bong, cursing like his mother, and sacrificing squirrels in the backyard.

Yet.

BUT I'd seriously consider it if they offered something relatively useful for this stage we are in right now.I would pay big bucks this summer for the following boot camps if available:

How Not to Forget Sh*t, Boot Camp 

How to Give a Sh*t, Boot Camp

Taking Some Initiative/Oh I Think I Better Start Working on _________ (homework, chores, showering), Boot Camp 

Accountability, How To Admit You Did Something Wrong, Boot Camp

If Homework Assignments Are On The Board, I Should Probably Write Them In My Planner Verbatim So I Won't Forget What I Had For Homework By The Time I Get In the Car, Boot Camp.

My Mother Is Trying Really Hard Not to Raise Little A-Holes and I Should Probably Try Really Hard Not to Be One, Boot Camp.

And Boot Camp by DMX - Mom's About to Lose Her Mind Up in Hur, Up in Hur, Boot Camp

I Googled, but there were none available in our area.

Just when I think I have this parenting thing down pat, the inevitable happens:

Puberty.