Friday, July 17, 2015

To Cleanse or Not To Cleanse, That is the Question.....

I started the Isagenix 30 Day Cleanse and Fat Burning Program this week. I did some research before purchasing it, because I wanted something that would kick my 41 year old metabolism in the arse and it needed to be healthy and simple for a mom on the go. Isagenix appeared to fit the bill. I am only 5 days in, but I felt inclined to share my experience.

Let me start by saying, I’ve lost 4.2 pounds in 5 days. So YAY me. Kristen 1 – Fat 0

However, while all diets are challenging, this one takes the cake.

……how I miss &*#king cake. 

I am restricted to one 400-600 calorie meal and 2 IsoLean shakes a day as meal replacements and they are IsoNASTY shakes. I’ve read the reviews of people saying they are delicious and these people must have been on this diet so long their taste buds have disintegrated. I have had the vanilla, the chocolate, and even mixed in ingredients for extra taste and it basically still tastes like thick goo. The directions state: “Enjoy an IsaLean shake”. It’s about as enjoyable as chugging chunky spoiled milk…although it does smell better than spoiled milk and it actually did serve as an appetite suppressant, so there is that. Hence the reason I even made it passed Day 1. 
Kristen 1 - Goo 0

A couple of times a day I am supposed to drink a serving of Ionix Supreme. It has vitamins and minerals and helps with fatigue. I was fatigued like a mofo which is one main reason I started this diet to begin with so I had nowhere to go but up. Yet, I’ve only had one serving of Ionix Supreme in 5 days. Why, you ask? It looks like you are drinking toilet water. Seriously, BAD toilet water. And it is SUPER gross. I can stomach the shake, but this concoction did not make the cut. I figure I’ll pop my regular ole multivitamin and risk being fatigued.
Ionix Supremely Disgusting Stuff 1 – Kristen 0

When I started this diet, the whole point was to cleanse my body. You can opt for cleanse days either 1 day or 2 days a week. I opted to go the aggressive route and go for 2. Lord knows the chips, caffeine, cookies, cheese fries, wine (insert “anything yummy”) have totally destroyed my innards, so cleanse away!! The Cleanse for Life drink isn’t bad if you hold your nose and a chug it fast. The after-taste tastes like baby Aspirin, which in turn takes me back to my childhood when I was skinny and didn’t have to worry about my weight, so that’s a win. When most people think of cleanse, they think of colonic cleanse. This is NOT what this diet does, which most people would give a huge sigh of relief. Who wants to sit at work worrying about THAT happening? Unfortunately, for me, it’s had the adverse effect. I haven’t been in 5 days, even deligently taking their product IsaFlush (the name makes me giggle every time I see the label). Home girl needs to go, but can’t. You had ONE job, IsaFlush formulators! 
IsaFlush 1 – Kristen 0

Lastly, the Isagenix Snacks that come with the 30 Day Cleanse are basically like eating kinda-but-not-really-chocolate chewy Tums. I can’t even. Dry heaving at my desk after choking down a snack is not what I call an actual snack. 
Isagenix Snacks 1 – Kristen 0

So I think it’s safe to assume I won’t be becoming an Isagenix Associate trying to get you all to buy into this product. I do think it can be successful for those who can follow it to a T, pushing through the taste and consistency of their products. And even though the odds are against me, I paid a MINT for this darn thing, so I shall see it through for another pain-staking 25 days myself. However, I will be happily jumping off this bandwagon, hopefully, 10-15lbs lighter and moving on to my old “go to”, Weight Watchers. I do believe if I can do this cleanse successfully for 30 days, I can do pretty much anything. Who knows, maybe even run for President of the United States! In the meantime, I should probably buy stock in Roto Rooter.