Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Precious Moments

For the first time in months I have been at a true loss for words. Every time I start to write, I stop myself. There just doesn't seem anything worthy of saying, no words of wisdom, no witty one-liners....nothing that moves me to words on paper. On the contrary, I've done the opposite. I've retreated into a shell in order to process the events of the past month in our small town.

A month ago, a young man, just a year younger than my oldest son, was diagnosed with brain cancer. In a few short weeks, he's had surgery to remove the tumor and started his first round of treatments. A week ago today, another young man, just a few months older than my second son was in a tragic car accident that took his life. His death shook our close-knit community and has had moms and dads clinging extra tightly to their babies as these are reminders that tomorrow is never guaranteed.

I question, "why does this happen to kids"? Yet, I stop myself in knowing God's will should not be questioned. Then I read the writings of the mom whose son is battling cancer. Unknown to her, she strengthens my faith. (and if I had to guess, I’m not the only one) She is dealing with unknowns for her baby boy and has accepted this is not something she can kiss and make better. She has put it in God’s hands. She writes about her thoughts and this journey and I am inspired by her strength, courage, hope and, especially, faith. It’s too easy to give up on God when faced with tragic news. Not once has she wavered in her faith and she keeps me from questioning “why these kids, God?” Her son is her hero.

She is mine.

All too often we take the day-to-days for granted. I am guilty of stressing about schedules and “not enough time in the day” to do this and that. I don't know how good I have it. How dare I?  Instead, there’s been a significant shift in my focus. It seems the things that brought me stress, no longer seem so important. I stop what I’m doing, immediately, when my 10 year old decides to share every detail of his day verses rush him through it because I have a call to make. I spent the afternoon with my 14 year old on Saturday. We chatted, laughed, and for the first time in a long time, were not rushed in conversation or to get somewhere else. He had my undivided attention, which, sadly, has been hard to come by. Looking back, more times than not, I’ve been the mom that has been there physically, but not mentally. I am going through motions to try to do and say the right things as a parent, but I’m missing the mark by not taking a break from outside influences that suck away my time and attention. These influences have also taken away a bit of my faith.

Yet God speaks to each of us, sometimes in a whisper, sometimes in a roar. It may be directly to us or through other people. By His grace, my ears are open and I hear Him loud and clear. I realize it’s time to reevaluate and reprioritize. Just when I start to wander off the path with my "not enough time in the day"s , I am reminded by the faith of others and my own renewed faith in what truly matters: 

Moments. 

Take them. Cherish them. Hold them dear to your heart. 

And if it so happens you're blessed with tomorrow, do it all over again.