Monday, January 12, 2015

You are HERE.


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I read a great article today about the revelations we have in our 40’s. The writer mentioned that there’s no such thing as a “grownup”. We never really become one. “Everyone is winging it. Some just do it more confidently.” Truer words were never spoken. More days than not, I ask myself “Am I the only one totally overwhelmed? How does so-in-so do it?” How easy it is to compare ourselves to others when all we see is the surface. And what a relief to know that I am not the only one winging life, some days more confidently than others. The 40's bring a welcomed clarity.

Once you reach your 40’s, your eyesight goes in the crapper, but your “vision” is enhanced. Life is put in perspective, priorities shift, the gods shine down on us in a series of AH HA moments. The “big deals” of our twenties and thirties become so miniscule once we’ve dissected them to what they truly are: life’s lessons; the good, the bad, the ugly. The blame games are over. There’s a mirror we once avoided that we now fully accept in an understanding that the only person we can control is the one staring back at us. Accountability is clear. It’s concise. It’s no longer avoided, but embraced even when it means it may sting a bit. We are much more forgiving of other’s mistakes that hurt us directly, because we acknowledge the hurt we have bestowed on others and the forgiveness we once longed for.
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Parenting styles also tend to change after the 4 0 mark. For years, the young, naïve mom in me thought parents with multiple kids, like myself, were more lenient with their younger kids because they were just worn the hell out. It wasn’t until my 40’s that I realized the truth behind it is an enhanced vision. The "crimes" that required extreme punishment as parents in our 20’s and 30’s, become less punishable. It isn’t because we’re tired or lazy or stopped caring, but simply because, from age, time, and experience, we have the vision to see, clearly, a perspective in parenting that shifts how we prioritize and handle an offense. And patience, although still not plentiful, seems to peek it’s head a bit more often. 

In your 40s there is a deeper reflection of the past along with a more vivid focus on the long term future. In accordance, there’s a harsh realization that “long term” isn’t as long as it used to be, but an acceptance that you are HERE. 

You've reached the point in life where, with the exception of the gray hair and wrinkles, everything begins to change for the better. But there's one catch; you have to allow it to happen. If you waste energy on holding grudges toward others, if you linger on your own mistakes of the past, your vision remains cluttered. Forgiveness is the key to unlocking clarity.

Granted, life is still far from perfect, but acknowledging a perfection that doesn't exist is step one to embracing your wonderfully amazing imperfect life; a life where vision is suddenly your super power.

And "HERE" is exactly where you want to be.